An Interesting Report

Finally the fugitive from Whitley Road detention centre was captured after 14 months of free and easy trip to JB by the Malaysia police forces, of course with Singapore intelligence help. He chose to swim across instead of cycle which was so much easier and comfortable; people would not recognise him in any way under the helmet and hiding behind the sun shade. Furthermore, cycling community believes in inclusiveness, regardless whether you are limping or not.

Wait a moment, what did Mas Selamat have to do with today’s ride report?

Since his custody and the coming closure of the Ministry of Affair’s slip, Capt Teo and Uncle Seng finally found time to join in the Sunday morning ride, a rare occasion. So we were honored to ride with both club veterans this morning. Oops, we had also another important veteran rode with us this morning, he was PaPa Chan. He came with his Yellow Jersey which he won from the 5 stages night race in Phuket years back, and he showed superb power despite absent from riding for a long while. He had declared in the last query that he did not do “EPO”, as such our technical team derived an interesting conclusion, cycling power is inversely proportional to the number of trips to Shanghai night.

Unfortunately, another veteran Mr. Yip could not make it for this morning because he was somewhere in the northern beach front of Singapore, investigating whether coconut could be used as a good improvise float to swim across to JB, we hoped he carried enough sunblock lotion and passport with him in case he crossed the territory line between Singapore and Malaysia. We wished him early completion of the experiment.

Without precise instruction from the coach who was away healing his wound from the Coach of the Year saga; own time own target was the theme for this morning ride. Everyone was doing their own thing and we left Fort road car park in such a way that the bystanders might thought PAP kindergarten having their fun ride in East Coast Park today.

Back to the coach’s issue with the management committee, we recognized how the coach felt after so much effort and commitment to raise the team standard since he was contracted couple of years back, yet he was not nominated by the MC for the best coach of the year award. The MC believed raising the team standard alone was not good enough; the coach must have the look of Tom Cruise; the height of Yao Ming and the weight of Lance Armstrong, but the main reason of all was that the coach only focus on the man cyclists and has ignored the ladies thus far. We needed more roses, Coach! Please do something, we love you forever, please come back!

After all the fun ride and comical formation, people were running out of patient; Chris who wore a bright Yellow Jersey became the obvious choice of all, was promptly nominated as the backup coach along Coastal Road to lead the team back to adulthood. He must be swearing inside him #*!@, who the ass-hole arrowed me, just to make sure the guys got what he wanted, he reiterated as swift as the Stingray, “Make a U-turn after Coastal Road”. He received neither reply nor acknowledgment, in any case out of more than 17 riders today, only 5 brave souls made a U-Turn with the yellow jersey coach. #@C!%B*&$, the guy who arrowed him did not make that U-turn at the precise moment but headed straight to the water hole – Changi Village. He was either ignorance or acted blur, I believed he was going to get it from Chris sooner or later.

After a cool cold drink, the heart bit was back in sync with the second hand, 60 bits per minute. Wait a minutes, something was amiss, where was our dear manager who was still holding the team string purse? Did he follow Madoff or Sunshine Empire chief’s footstep – disappearing act? Rumors were fast going round the table, he was tested positive on H1N1; NO! He had just sold BoA share in the first 3 months of the year and missed the May 09 rally. The investment company losses amount to US$3 billion, oh my goodness! What are we going to do as a tax payers? Can I ask for a tax rebate? In the mid of all the anxiety and at the rate it was going, surely someone would need to check-in to the mental health hospital in Jalan Kayu, a wise man finally opened his mouth, he said “Worry not, worry is just like a rocking chair, lot of action but get you nowhere”, brilliant wasn’t it? The good thing about the team was that we have many veterans around who are wise and mellow like the 1980 Chateaus Latour red wine. Then, came the next reply from the wise old man, “Bring my banana here”. All fell off the table!!

Disclaimer: none of the characters in the above are based on real people and any similarity is purely coincidental.

Nicky Ting
Email: nickypmb@singnet.com.sg

Whether you are happy or unhappy, life go on so the choice is really simple, be happy of course